Anti-Social? Oh, Do Behave!

I’m becoming more anti-social, and I’m okay with that.

Here’s where my choice of words needs some context. The statement above may signify that I’m becoming a bit of a yob, a right old hoodlum in my middle age; Drinking inebriant in the streets, cussing at lampposts, refusing to help little old ladies to cross the road, leaving my dress shirt’s top two buttons unbuttoned, and not Winsor-knotting my tie…  Urgh. Shocking stuff. I might say “levels”, but my adult-sized kids would give me a look. Apparently, I’m not down with the youth any more. And I’m okay with that too.

Luckily, I don’t have an ASBO in the post. Never have, and hopefully never will. No, here’s the context (I don’t think BBC News have copyrighted that phrase). I’m talking (well, typing) about Social Media. Again more to the statement. I’m not saying I’m becoming more anti-social on Social Media. I mean I’m trying to use it less, and perhaps I’m more cautious-social media camp (if there is such a thing.)

I was an early advocate of social media, and I still see the many benefits to this technology. Many years ago, when working for a local media outlet, I experimented with the power of social media to promote news stories and had some success. It was around the time of when Facebook was starting, and I proposed to my employers they develop their own social media platform to engage and build a community with their readers and to develop their own in advert revenue opportunities, rather than scraping around for search engine ad-revenue pennies. I even started writing a business proposal. Of course, this didn’t get taken up, which was a giant shame, and a huge lost opportunity. Instead, I implemented an internal social media communications platform, that improved resource sharing and helped build communities in the work-force.

Hold-up. It feels like I’m writing a job application, so I’m going to veer drastically away.

In the early days of Social Media, I loved it. I was on every platform going, justifying it as research. It felt liberating to be able to share the finite details of the day. But, when looking back, many things I wouldn’t post now. Not because I was over-sharing personal stuff in these posts (we’ll get to that), but because they were utterly dull. For example, on the 26th January 2012 I posted, “Hooray, it’s time to go home!”

Seemingly for no reason at all. Maybe I’d had a bad day, or after a long week I was desperate to see my kids. The thing is, no-one needed to know, except perhaps my family. Want some more examples of my utterly pointless and boring posts? Here’s a selection from the early years of Facebook:-

• Hooray! Coronation Street has finished. Will reclaim the TV shortly.
• Been in London today. I am on the train back to Norwich.
• Apparently there’s a portaloo on my drive.
• I think one of my applications is playing up! Apparently I decided “to hug 6 friends” but I don’t remember doing that! (Note: context needed!- Facebook used to have the option to send pokes, winks, hugs, and other emotions – a bit weird, right?)
• Has been gardening most of the afternoon
• At Zaks in Poringland for dinner. No sign of Ronan from #BGT
• Hooray! Work done, now off to do Tesco shopping! #joy
• “Get the girl, kill the baddies, and save the entire planet” – now seems an appropriate time for some #PWEI (Note: Any time is an appropriate time for Pop Will Eat Itself, except if there’s little kids nearby due to some potty language lyrics!)
• I’ve got a stonking headache – I blame the Sun….. and the News of the World too
• Seriously big snowflakes in Norwich! (Just so no-one is offended, I was describing the weather from on 5th February 2013 and I don’t think “snowflake” was an insult back then!)

Cringe! That’s the dull stuff, but what about over-sharing? Well, at the time I don’t think I did, but perhaps I’m guilty of that too. Like most parents, I’m proud of my kids, so social media seemed the logical place to chirp on about their achievements. “Little ABC got a sticker for reading a book, woo my kid’s a genius and smart than yours! 🧠📚“, “XYZ scored a wonderful own goal to clinch the title for the opposition – so proud! Sign him up @DavidBeckham07!🌟⚽️”

Not real examples of mine, and Elon Musk wasn’t given naming right over my children, but you get the gist. Sometimes things we posts things that may construed as oversharing and when looking back with they could be interpreted as being a bit boastful. It’s probably a case of chasing the dopamine or endorphin highs that social media makes us crave. Like me, like what I do, see how I vicariously live through my kids!  We’re probably all guilty of that.

So, I’ve cut back on posting and rarely comment on other people’s posts. I still go on the damn platforms daily and sometimes for too long, but at least I’m not sharing my life so much on there anymore, and when I do I’ll sometimes tailor the audience, and family stuff is often just for a family audience only, and I do feel better for that.

Perhaps one day I’ll even be brave enough to logout and remove one or two apps from my phone, making it a bit of chore to have to go on these platforms so regularly. But, there’s a big thing stopping me. Business. In this day and age social media is very important to raising and maintaining a profile for businesses, so I feel obliged to be on these platforms. But again I don’t post as much as I should because it becomes disruptive to my day, and just being on the platforms can send me down a wormhole of looking at other stuff.

As an example, I recently went on to Facebook and happened to see a post mentioning the actor Tim Curry. Next thing you know I’ve just spent half an hour on a topic I didn’t need to know. It started with checking his Wikipedia page, and then on seeing his detailed career/filmography I went digging further (“Oh, I don’t remember him in that, lets find a clip… wasn’t in that film… what Home Alone was he in…”), and on discovering he had a music career too I had to listen to some stuff too before I remembered it was random song video that sent me down this wormhole in the first place.

The state the world is in right now is made worse through the eyes of social media too because the algorithms create an echo chamber for exaggerated thoughts, and there are players out there who know how to use this to their advantage by using social media to sow division. Rational thought, reasonable discussion, and compassion are all victims. We’re all victims. Anyone who has been duped by the duplicity of others (whether it’s for conspiratorial, political or religious purposes) is a victim too, but we’re all responsible for our own actions and we’re to blame for letting these charlatans appeal to our base emotions with their false narratives.

I used to go to the “bottom of the internet” (with thanks to Dave Gorman for the expression) to see if I was offended by other people’s views. It turned out I was. Not so much that I would write something to return the offense, but enough to feel annoyed. Even comments about my football team would annoy me (“Aargh, how can a Sliders fan say such a thing about my beloved Gliders!”) and after years of deliberately seeking this hurt I cut it out. At least from a football point of view. I know there will always been someone who is determined to ruin your day with a pathetic dig. I can’t change them, but I can stop them changing me. 

I’ve tried to apply this elsewhere too. At the beginning of Russia’s invasion of Ukraine I would spend hours every night on social media, searching for good news. The same goes for the continuing farcical soap-opera that is US politics. One thing I garnered from self-help books is I can only control what I can control. Yes, what is happening is not right, but there’s nothing I can do and wasting my time/energy and adversely affecting my mental health won’t help.

So, if a summary is needed, I could say I share less and I take less to heart from my time on social media, and I try to stick to the positive areas where possible. I don’t think I’ll ever escape the clutches of social media. My advice to anyone is to either don’t join up in the first place, but if you must (e.g. for work reasons) then set yourself boundaries from the start. There is some good in social media and it can help you make and maintain connections, but you have to find a way to get to the good without seeing or being affected by the 90% of bad stuff out there too.